Girl Talk

Our Hollywood Baby with her Nana on Christmas Eve.

From the moment I wanted children, I wanted a daughter. In fact, you could even say that I didn't particularly want children. I just wanted a daughter. I wanted the cute pink ballerina skirts, the giggles, the baking, and (yes) the shopping. I wanted tea parties and secrets. Finger painting in nothing but tights and warm summer softball games complete with the wind-up pitch.

But, let's face it, there are definitely aspects of parenting a daughter that parents of sons probably don't worry so much about. I suddenly find myself taking the time to read articles with such titles as "Kids Who Won't Eat." Did you know that the typical onset age of anorexia is now 9 years old? Or that the Eating Disorders Specialists of Illinois treat patients as young as 6?

The authors seem to think the nation's battle against obesity is to blame for the progressively younger patients suffering from eating disorders. Kids apparently sit through grade-school-level nutrition classes and start thinking food is bad. Never mind the fact that this article appeared in the very same issue as the article titled, "Get Your Pre-Baby Body Back."

Meanwhile, teenage pregnancies are also on the rise. Apparently, this is good old George W's fault. Not that he's traveling the country in a malicious scheme to knock up 13 year olds. No. Definitely not that. But he got some hair-brained idea that maybe instead of handing out condoms to 13 year olds we should advise them away from sex altogether. Of course this is insane. Where does he think he lives? This is 21st century America. Nobody even knows what self control and strong parenting even are. Hasn't he seen that new reality show "Teen Moms?" Doesn't he know what he's caused? All he has to do is look at magazine covers in the check-out line to see all those celebrity teen moms whose lives he's ruined. Unfortunately, I don't know which president to blame for those insidious nutrition classes that have led to 6 year old girls starving themselves.

And bullying. This is one parents of sons may be more interested in. We all know bullying has reached remarkable heights of cruelty. Some people blame the Internet for this one. Kids can't just go home to escape bullies because--guess what?--bullies are waiting for them online. And, of course, the Internet means that a public disgrace is just that much more public. A little less than a year ago I was reading Cosmo (don't get me started--it's a long story involving the mid-subscription end of a nice interior decorating magazine and Conde Nast's remarkably poor judgment in finding a "replacement" subscription) and stumbled onto an article discussing online "smack talk" sites. Cosmo had the good sense to condemn such sites and the people who contribute to them. Cosmo also had the hypocrisy to include their very own "Do's and Don'ts" section making fun of women's fashion sense. As if those black bars across the eyes will keep anyone from recognizing themselves. And just the other day, I decided to check out a website I'd been hearing about--People of WalMart. Big mistake. Rather than enjoying any part of that experience, I ended up crying for the poor people being made fun of: drag queens and hairy obese men in overalls and girls stuffed into too-short shorts. Maybe they shouldn't be dressed like that but we definitely shouldn't be saying some of the things I read on that site.

Bottom line: blame the nutritionists for your child's anorexia, blame George W for your daughter's teenage pregnancy, and blame the anonymous Internet (but not anyone you know who reads it) for any mean, bully-ish tendencies your child may develop.